“I don’t know” is a scary phrase.

It forces us to be vulnerable. College-aged-me did not like being vulnerable, so I knew everything. That’s why when my friend invited me kayaking, I said that sounded great—I had kayaked in lakes before. And when my friend asked if I had experience with Class V rapids, I should have said, “I don’t know what that means” and instead said “Sure.”

I found out the terrifying way that confessing ignorance is better than finding yourself totally unprepared later on.

It’s a great idea for newer players to play against more experienced players. One of the best ways to learn is to jump into the deep end. It’s like immersion learning for a language. However, one of the dangers of this sink or swim approach is that a bad experience can turn people away from bridge altogether.

How can newer players brace themselves? How can we get more experienced players to be less intimidating? There’s no one answer. That said, everyone involved would be better off if we knew the fundamentals of procedure.

One of the best aspects of bridge is that there are no secrets. If a partnership has an agreed upon meaning for a bid, then their opponents get to know that meaning. If that partnership has special carding agreements (carding is: leads, signals or discards) which convey information, then the opponents are entitled to know that as well.

That doesn’t mean we get to know what is in our opponents’ hands. Our opponents might forget their agreements or they might even lie (sometimes known as a falsecard) by signaling that they like a suit that they don’t or vice versa. As long as their partner is as in the dark as declarer, that’s all kosher.

What isn’t allowed is secret agreements. Now, most people hear secret agreement and think of something nefarious like pointing to their chest for a heart lead. That’s not the most common source of secret agreements.

Most secret agreements are secret because of this conversation:

Experienced Player bidding: Alert

Inexperienced Player asking: What does that mean?

Experienced Player: Gazilli

Inexperienced Player: … Oh…Kay?

[End Scene]

Players explain agreements using advanced terminology: Odd-Even, Meckwell, Flannery, instead of saying what things mean. If you’re an experienced player doing this, please stop! Remember that not everyone has been studying the Encyclopedia of Bridge at night.

For the newer players, keep in mind that it’s perfectly fine to ask for an additional explanation if your opponents do this. Don’t be embarrassed—your opponent is the one who violated propriety here. There’s one caveat to this. During the auction, if you have no interest in bidding, it’s better to pass and ask for an explanation once the auction has concluded. If you become the opening leader, you can do this once the auction ends. If you are the partner of the leader, you can ask when partner makes their (face down) lead. This is for everyone’s protection. If you ask for an explanation and the opponent gives a wrong one, it puts their partner in an awkward position.

if someone asks you about an agreement for a situation and you have no idea what they are talking about, it’s ok to say “I have no idea! I’m new to the game”. That’s much better than guessing.  

Lastly, if something comes up and you're not sure what the procedure or rule is, call the director over (with a "Director, please" and a raise of your hand). Directors are there to make sure you don't have to guess about the rules.

To recap: When asked for an explanation of an agreement, overexplain (particularly if you have never seen this opponent). It’s okay to have no agreement or even no idea what the opponent is asking for. When you need information from your opponents, don’t let them get away with saying “Reverse Woolsey with a Lemon Twist”.